Many of us have things in our lives we want to change, usually with the goal of improving ourselves in some fashion. We want to get organized, or find a better job, or fix a relationship. Some of us may be looking for a relationship to fix. The list of things we think we need to be better at is long. For me, what I said I wanted to change is echoed by alot of other people. I wanted to lose weight. Little did I know when I actually committed to that change that my entire existance would shift and a completely different person would begin to emerge.
I knew that I wanted…..needed, in fact, to lose weight. What I didn’t know is that losing weight would begin to take a backseat to getting fit. I struggled most of my adult life with weight issues that were completely my own doing. I made poor choices. I bought into ideas and expectations that were really, REALLY wrong. I used food as emotional therapy. My weight became a safety mechanism. The heavier I got, the more I shut down and I didn’t even realize it. It was my normal. My fitness journey is creating a new normal, one that I could not have predicted.
I am learning every day how to change my thoughts about fitness. For 25 years I carried around a ton of misinformation and notions that I thought were true. I carried comments and reactions and disappointments about my weight that belonged to other people. Over the years I tried to lose weight because I felt like people expected me to do so. It wasn’t until I decided that I wanted it for me that I had any real success. When you begin your fitness journey, it has to be about you. You will absolutely need people to support and encourage you along the way, but you have to put yourself first and figure out your path.
I have lost weight since starting my program, but I would rather tell you about what I have gained. Of course there are the things you would expect…..strength, stamina, balance, agility, better sleeping patterns. But there are other things, things people noticed before I did. Things I didn’t know were missing. Things like self esteem, confidence, focus and passion. Someone told me last week that my smile has become infectious. Ummmm, what? I’m sorry, do you know me? At all??
In short, I have a new focus and purpose. And I know without doubt why I was called to California. I know who I am in a way that I never have before. I never would have guessed that it would happen with a dumb bell in my hand.
Fitness Journey Musings 