We all have defining moments in our lives. Events that serve as guideposts to help remind us not only where, but also who we are supposed to be. Things like births, graduations, weddings, job promotions, wearing tank tops and noticing ab definition for the first time come to mind when thinking about these landmark moments. Wait, tank tops and abs? Welcome to my world.

First, let’s talk about tank tops. I have to ask a question here……Am I the only person on the planet that did not know about the power these sleeveless wonders possess? Seriously, all that power. I had no idea. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself so let’s back up a bit. I have struggled with body image expectations all of my adult life. My biggest issue has always been my arms. They were too big, too floppy, too weak, too ugly. If I didn’t want to see them why would anyone else want to see them? As a result of this thinking, I kept them covered. I NEVER considered wearing a tank top in public. The closest I came to this was when a friend started to teach me how to swim and a tank was a better option in my mind than an actual swim suit. For the record, I only wore a tank then because she refused to let me wear a tshirt. My misguided view of myself and my body ran very deep. So a couple of weeks ago when my trainer talked to me about wearing tank tops or at least rolling the sleeves of my tshirts during our sessions, I started to panic. Her reasons were valid…..she wanted me to be able to see muscle engagement and progress. All I could think about was twenty five years of too big, too floppy, too weak, too ugly. I forgot about seven months of hard work and muscle gain. And then finally I mustered up all the confidence I have built in those seven months and wore a tank top…..out of the house…..into the gym…..in front of people…..and something amazing happened. For the first time my arms weren’t too big or too weak. I found pride and took back power that I had surrendered over the years. I felt like a badass. Tank tops are magical.

Now, defining moment number two. I have become almost addicted to learning how to flex to see muscle gains in my arms and shoulders and more recently my legs and chest. I had not considered checking out possible gains in my abs. I do alot of core work with my trainer, and I know that I’m stronger, but I still carry fat in that area. Enough fat that I didn’t think I would be able to see any definition there yet. Well, sometimes you discover things you aren’t even looking for. Standing in front of the mirror after getting out of the shower, I saw something that caught me off guard. What the heck is that line running down the middle of my middle? Are those similar lines along the outside edges? I will admit that I was concerned at first, so much so that I had to do a Google search to make sure there wasn’t something wrong with me. (It’s ok if you laugh at me here. It is a little silly.) After the “how do abs look when they start to form” search convinced me that I was fine, I was pretty excited. There they were….the first visible signs of ab muscle definition. Wow. Just wow. Now, I’m a long way from a six pack, but I’m no longer a keg and that is pretty cool. And again, I feel like a badass. Abs are magical.

Defining moments come in many forms. Tanks tops and abs are my most recent moments. Both have helped me realize that my fitness journey is indeed a beautiful thing. It isn’t just about numbers on a scale. It is about confidence, strength, dedication, power, and self love. It’s about embracing who I am right now as well as who I am becoming. It is recognizing and celebrating the defining moments along the way. It is about feeling like a badass, because my friends, feeling like a badass is magical.

Many of us have things in our lives we want to change, usually with the goal of improving ourselves in some fashion. We want to get organized, or find a better job, or fix a relationship. Some of us may be looking for a relationship to fix. The list of things we think we need to be better at is long. For me, what I said I wanted to change is echoed by alot of other people. I wanted to lose weight. Little did I know when I actually committed to that change that my entire existance would shift and a completely different person would begin to emerge.

I knew that I wanted…..needed, in fact, to lose weight. What I didn’t know is that losing weight would begin to take a backseat to getting fit. I struggled most of my adult life with weight issues that were completely my own doing. I made poor choices. I bought into ideas and expectations that were really, REALLY wrong. I used food as emotional therapy. My weight became a safety mechanism. The heavier I got, the more I shut down and I didn’t even realize it. It was my normal. My fitness journey is creating a new normal, one that I could not have predicted.

I am learning every day how to change my thoughts about fitness. For 25 years I carried around a ton of misinformation and notions that I thought were true. I carried comments and reactions and disappointments about my weight that belonged to other people. Over the years I tried to lose weight because I felt like people expected me to do so. It wasn’t until I decided that I wanted it for me that I had any real success. When you begin your fitness journey, it has to be about you. You will absolutely need people to support and encourage you along the way, but you have to put yourself first and figure out your path.

I have lost weight since starting my program, but I would rather tell you about what I have gained. Of course there are the things you would expect…..strength, stamina, balance, agility, better sleeping patterns. But there are other things, things people noticed before I did. Things I didn’t know were missing. Things like self esteem, confidence, focus and passion. Someone told me last week that my smile has become infectious. Ummmm, what? I’m sorry, do you know me? At all??

In short, I have a new focus and purpose. And I know without doubt why I was called to California. I know who I am in a way that I never have before. I never would have guessed that it would happen with a dumb bell in my hand.

Before you say anything, it isn’t what you think. I know I haven’t shared anything from my fitness journey in over three months, but it isn’t because I lost motivation and quit yet again. In fact, it is pretty much the exact opposit. I have never been more motivated or engaged in my personal fitness than I have been since February. I have been creating, and continue to create, a different lifestyle. I know, I know, we have all heard it a million times…..you have to change your lifestyle. I didn’t buy into that either for a very long time. Even working in the fitness industry I fought it. Then one single hour on February 16th happened and my life changed forever. One. Single. Hour.

Since I started working for 24 Hour Fitness in August of 2016, I have meet several personal trainers. Many of them I consider friends, family even. While I repect them all for their own skills and knowledge, I honestly didn’t think I needed a trainer. I am capable of working out and had learned enough along the way to do just fine on my own. So why wasn’t I? Maybe I didn’t know as much as I thought. It took an hour for me to finally realize that. One. Single. Hour.

I found my trainer without even looking. Finding YOUR trainer is almost magical. I don’t fully understand it, but she has somehow triggered something inside me that I didn’t know existed…..Beast Mode. She knows exactly what to say and how to say it to push me past the limits I set in my head. I tell her frequently that I hate her, and honestly some days I really don’t like her very much….but that only lasts for an hour. One. Single. Hour.

Do you want my advice? Doesn’t matter if you do or not, here it is. If you want to get serious about your fitness, if you want to really make changes to your life to get healthy, get a trainer. They know what you need. I am thankful for all of the trainers in my life. I am blessed to have so many awesome people to learn from and be encouraged by. You will never know how much I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you for everything. To my trainer, thank you for that first hour that changed my life. That One. Single. Hour.

Beast Mode….check.

Ultra Mode……soon.

I recently interviewed serveral people for open positions on my service team. I always end interviews with the same question…..”What makes you the best person for the position?” Usually, I get the expected answers such as: I’m reliable, I’m organized, I’m a hard worker or I’m a self-starter. Rarely does someone surprise me with their response to my question, but I was actually caught off guard by one girl during this round of interviews. She told me that she works hard to learn new things and then looked me right in the eye and said “I’m not afraid to be better.”

That simple statement stuck with me and I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how it applies to my own life. How many things do I just settle for because it is easier? Because it is familiar and safe? Because it requires little or no effort? And then I wondered…..is this the cause of my fitness struggle? Am I afraid to be better? The answer, I believe, is yes.

If that is true, if I am afraid to be better, the question now becomes why and more importantly, how do I correct it? For me, it has been easier to hide behind excuses than to really try to push myself past barriers. Believe me when I say that I have had dozens of excuses. Everything from bad knees and not enough time to lack of knowledge and experience. Here is the thing about excuses, no matter how many you have, they are not reasons to not do something.

So what were the actual reasons that were keeping me from following through with my fitness goals? Well, honestly, changing your lifestyle is hard. And it kinda sucks. And it’s hard. Did I mention how hard it is? You have to learn new things and apply them consistantly. You have to accept that you aren’t always going to be good at something right away. You have to be willing to make better food choices. My squats suck and I still can’t jump rope. I really want a taco and some pizza. It is frustrating and I want to quit on a daily basis. And I have quit more than once because I have been afraid to be better. I have been scared to draw a line in the sand because what if I fail? What if I can’t actually make the changes I need to make? What if I’m not strong enough? The true is, I’m not strong enough and that is why I’m afraid.

The funny thing about fear is that once you recognize and embrace it, it becomes a powerful source of motivation. I am making better food choices because deadlifts are too dang hard to waste on empty calories. I am pushing through the wall I hit halfway through the fourth set of squats even if my form isn’t perfect. I’m throwing around heavier weights because it makes me feel like a badass. I’m still trying to jump rope and learning to laugh a little in the process because any progress, no matter how small, is still progress. So no, I’m not strong enough today, but I will be stronger tomorrow. Why? Because now I’m not afraid to be better.

I have learned that you have to be able to adapt along your fitness journey. Sometimes your best laid plans get sidetracked for something else. Plans change, sometimes in the middle of a workout. The same thing holds true in writing. I had a topic planned out but my muse changed direction about twenty mintues into my workout on Thursday. So, I guess we will see where this goes.

When is the last time you jumped rope? Prior to yesterday, it was almost a year ago for me. Before that, I think I was 8. I’m not sure you can even really count my attempts last year, so I’m just going to say the last time I jumped rope was 1980. Knowing this, it is a little odd that I decided to participate in what we are lovingly calling Jump Rope January.

I think my initial response when I was told about Jump Rope January was “good luck with that”. I had no intention of adding that activity to my workout routine. You see, about this time last year I decided to make being able to jump rope a goal of mine. With the help of my pal, I started toward that goal. In short, it was a dismal failure. I couldn’t seem to get the timing right and I just got frustrated. Two or three jumps in a row was the best I could do and sadly I just quit trying. So a few days ago when my pal mentioned Jump Rope January, I was less than motivated to get involved. Now this pal of mine is a personal trainer and Im pretty sure she expected this to stir up my original goal of jumping rope. And this is why she is a master at her job, because it totally worked.

I know enough to know that I would never stick to this task without some support and encouragement. Since my trainer pal works at another club, I set out to get some of my team members to jump with me. I asked several people and all but two immediately said no way. I decided to roll with it. Eventually almost everyone came around and at last count there are nine of us in my club who are participating. Our goal is simple: be better at the end of the month than we were when we started. For me, that means picking up the goal I dropped a year ago. Funny how things come back around.

We started our jumping month on January third. My first day results? Well, it started pretty rough. I couldn’t get more than a couple of jumps. And then, about the time I was ready to quit, the people I was jumping with said try one more time. One, two three, four, five……wait. What is happening right now?….six, seven, eight, nine…..that’s ten. Don’t stop now…..eleven, twelve, thirteen. One year and thirteen consecutive jumps later, it may not seem like very much, but for this girl it might as well have been a hundred. I guess I found my motivation in the timing.

Thank you for joining me on this part of my fitness journey. I hope that along the way you find something that encourages or inspires you on your own journey. Fitness is something very near…..but not always dear….to my heart. That being said, let me stress right here at the begining that I am NOT a fitness expert. I am not a personal trainer or nutritionist. My knowledge is limited so if you are looking for exercises and workout plans or healthy recipes and diets, I am probably not who you need.

So if I’m not a fitness expert, you may be wondering who I am. I am someone who has struggled with being overweight most of my adult life. I am someone who has a hard time staying motivated and that fact has caused me to start and stop more times than I can remember. I am someone who is intimidated by the gym even though I work in one. I am also someone who has experienced feeling like a total badass after an awesome workout and it is that feeling that keeps me coming back. So even though I am not a fitness expert, I am an expert on my own fitness journey and it is that journey that I want to share with you.

As I write, and hopefully as you read, I promise to be honest and as open as possible. For those of you who know me, you will not be surprised by my use of humor and sarcasm. For those of you who don’t know me, I apologize in advance for my use of humor and sarcasm. I welcome feedback and constructive criticism.

Thank you again for being here with me. Let’s do this thing!